This blog was originally posted in October of  2005

Glen moved in with me first. Glen’s feelings about moving in with me focused on some simple issues. He missed his father and disliked both his mother and her boyfriend. They fought often with an intensity that added to my worry about his safety.

            My issues proved a little more complex and centered on Glen’s siblings, especially his sister Jessica. Glen, at thirteen, provided an essential aspect of stability for Mom’s household. He also served as a buffer between Patricia and the other children. I felt Glen helped keep Patricia on better behavior.

            There is evidence to support this position. After Glen came to live with me, Patricia filed police reports on the average of one per week. Before Glen left the house, Patricia averaged a police report only about once every six weeks. Other incidents increased also. These incidents included putting one of the family pets to death, posting a website raising money as a victim of domestic violence, alleging that I, or someone in my service, attempted to run over Patricia and Jessica, trying to press kidnapping charges against the Guardian Ad Litem with the FBI, and so on.

            Before Glen made the move, the Guardian Ad Litem and I talked extensively about the pressure of Glen leaving the house might place on Jessica, then nine years old. I expressed concern that she would bear the brunt of her mother’s problems, the victim of Patricia’s anger and other strange behavior.

            It is tough position, removing your oldest child from a close to impossible position and in doing so, facing the possibility of creating or transferring the burden of the impossible situation to your nine year old. Unfortunately, my fears also proved warranted. Jessica experienced a tough couple of months before she and Montie came to live with me.

            I considered Patricia’s boyfriend, at best, a non entity. At worse, he represented an unknown, choosing to be with Patricia at her worse and spending a lot of time with my children.

            Scientific Method is often the search for a theory to explain known facts. Those reading the first draft of my book will read the discussion about how Patricia ‘found’ Christianity and how her twisted version of faith caused a great deal of our problems. I am comfortable with the explanation, but it arose out of Patricia’s behavior, especially between the time Glen moved in with me and before Jessica and Montie joined him.

             Patricia anticipated our divorce to occur in September, She expected a process called “bifurcation” where the divorce is divided into two parts -- first, the actual divorce and later, the settlement of property.

            Why Patricia thought I would agree to her marrying her boyfriend while I continued paying over five thousand dollars in support is just another example of Patricia’s fantasy world. It simply did not happen.

            Yet, Patricia felt so confident that the divorce would occur, her boyfriend allowed his lease to lapse and he ended up without a place to live.

            The children still maintain that the boyfriend lived in a hotel during this couple of months, but I am just as confident that this is not true, that boyfriend moved into the family home in October.

            Glen’s middle school is literally across the street from the school. One Friday morning in October I drove Glen to school and noticed the morning paper behind the boyfriend’s tire. My experience with the house before and after this date supports the belief that the paper arrives between five and five thirty each morning. I confirmed this event a couple of additional times.

            Yet, I believe the children when they tell me they did not know. For six weeks Patricia required the children to go upstairs to the top floor each night at approximately seven o’clock in the evening. Patricia did not allow the children to come downstairs for any reason until she called them sometime after seven the following morning. A key lock appeared on the master bedroom door downstairs.

            Boyfriend worked a flex schedule that required him to be at work at six each morning, well before the children arose for school.

            Remember, we are dealing with the mentally ill. For reasons impossible to understand, it seemed more important to Patricia to hide the fact that the boyfriend lived with her then to take care of her children properly.

            Now, my children are a little better off then kids in other parts of the world. The top stairs has a full bath, each room equipped with a TV, VCR, and video game console. But the children basically took care of themselves for night after night with no adult presence, Jessica nine years old and Montie age six. They learned to hoard and store food in case they got hungry and the slept with the lights and TV on. We addressed these habits when they moved in with me.

            On or about November 13^th Patricia saw the proposed parenting plan and demonstrated her unhappiness with the results. The plan called for Glen to live with me 24/7 while Jessica and Montie spent nine out of fourteen days with me. Effective custody was awarded to me.

            Patricia blamed Jessica for the parenting plan, spit in her face and sent her to spend a couple of hours in the backyard without a coat; telling my daughter she could cry a world of tears before Patricia would care anything about her.

            As an additional punishment, Patricia took the freedom to control the lights upstairs. The lights and TV now went off at seven each night. She did allow the children to listen to CDs. 

            On November 15^th Patricia obtained her bifurcated divorce and married her boyfriend within an hour of our divorce. She defied the Judge’s instructions on how the children were to be told and the two younger children showed up at my office knowing all the details while their big brother knew nothing.

            Patricia violated the proposed property settlement before the ink was dry and I immediate worked toward getting the settlement thrown out. Her remarriage eliminated any alimony and direct cash support was scheduled to end December 20^th. But it took a week for Patricia to figure out about child support.

            Glen with me 100% of the time and the other two with me nine out of fourteen days meant that the parent plan called for the children to live with me 75% of the time. I would have to pay daycare in addition to the medical and dental insurance I already provided. This meant that Patricia would owe me child support, as much as $750 a month.

            And how did my fresh ex ex-wife respond to this news? Why by going to CYFD Child Protective Services and filing a complaint against me for not taking care of Montie’s health, specifically his asthma. She told the Guardian Ad Litem, her attorney, and any one else that listened that the parenting plan would have to be put aside, that I could not take care of the children.

            The facts are very specific. Her initial reaction to the parenting plan was positive, in fact the most positive week of the divorce. It was not until my attorney faxed her attorney the child support worksheet that the problem with Montie’s asthma occurred and she decided I was an unfit father.

            Montie reports the attack as real and as the worst one he ever had. It occurred late at night at his mother’s house. Now that I write about it, that scares the hell out of me. I believe Montie did have asthma as a toddler, but he had gone almost a year without a treatment. I remember Patricia’s subsequent crushing of apple seeds to get cyanide for a suicide attempt and tonight I ask --  what caused Montie’s ‘asthma’ attack? Did his mother give him something that caused the attack?

            I only learned from Montie a few days ago that the attack was real. Before this, I always thought of the attack as one of Patricia’s trumped up events, but now with Montie’s report and my knowledge of the depth of Patricia’s illness, I am not sure.

            It is a scary thought and one that haunted me every night the children spent with their mother. Yates had just drowned her children in Texas and now this mom threw her children into San Francisco bay. Some days it is just a scary world. Thank you Lord for bringing my children safely into my arms.

                        Unfortunately or fortunately depending on your perspective and subsequent events, the ‘asthma’ incident failed. Protective Services contacted both the Guardian Ad Litem and Montie’s doctor and became satisfied as to the quality of care I provided.

            Next, a bruise appeared on Montie’s butt, allegedly the result of my beating Montie. Once again Montie made a trip to the doctor and Protective Services became involved.

            Patricia attempted to get the child support hearing postponed or cancelled based on these two events, but the Judge would have none of it, mainly because of the defense the Guardian Ad Litem made on my behalf.

            Unfortunately, the defense of the father, through no choice of his own, came at the cost of his six year old son’s reputation. The Guardian Ad Litem described, in open court, an incident that I had made him aware of where Montie threw such a temper tantrum that nothing worked. When I sent him to time out, he destroyed the room, his yelling and screaming was disturbing the neighbors, finally I did spank him. He is much better now.

            Without a doubt I did not leave a bruise. I can count the number of times I spanked my children on one hand and it was always as a last resort. My first rule is never out of anger, I am glad Jessica never figured that out.

            The Judge ordered Patricia to pay $505 dollars a month in child support beginning on December 20^th.

            And Patricia’s response to this? She decided that the children needed to make a convincing performance before CYFD about the bruise. The children were scheduled to be interviewed by the State on December 4^th, two days after the child support hearing.

            Patricia contacted the Guardian Ad Litem and asked for a form she could use to revoke her parental rights. The Guardian Ad Litem informed Patricia that in New Mexico parents are not allowed to revoke their parental right and responsibilities.

            My guess is that Patricia searched the internet for such a form or simply typed one up. In any case, on Tuesday December 3^rd, Patricia and her husband called the children down into the study and presented them with the form which her and her husband signed in front of the children.

            Patricia told the children that if they did not tell the State that their father had beaten them, then she would take them to the police station, hand the police the form, leave them, and never see them again – she would not be their mother anymore. Further she explained that if they did not do this then Patricia would be in a great deal of trouble but that nothing would happen to their father if they cooperated.  She went so far as to tell them to cry in front of the interviewers.

The children remember Jo Dee Mesina’s song “Bye Bye” coming on the radio and Patricia singing ‘Bye Bye Children’ as she talked to them.

             Drifting ahead, I experienced the pleasure the other night of buying Jessica’s English teacher a drink at Quarters. One of the many things we discussed about my daughter is her unique social intelligence, Jessica’s ability to look at a situation and move everyone where she thinks they need to be.

            Jessica took one look at the situation and realized how desperate her mother was for their cooperation, so she asked if she could go to the basketball game with her Dad. Patricia, desperate for their cooperation agreed.

            I am sitting with Glen at the apartment when Jessica calls and asks if she can go to the basketball game with us.

            I am in shock. First, Patricia never lets the kids call me during their time with her. Second, Patricia has never let me take the kids during her time with them. Third, Patricia hates the Women Lobo basketball games.

            I agree. Glen and I rush over to the house to pick up Jessica. Before Jessica is fully into the Mercedes she is telling me what happened. We call the Guardian Ad Litem and Jessica leaves a message on his cell phone. I tell the kids not to worry, we go to the game, and I return Jessica to her mother’s.

            The next day the Guardian calls me and we go over the details Jessica provided. He calls the State and finds out that the kids are to be interviewed at 4:00.

            At 3:30 I am downstairs in the building where the State Protective Services is headquartered with the Guardian. As an aside, the building is where my father had an office with another company called Microsoft.

            The plan was for Patricia to go through with her plan and for the State to evaluate what is going on.

            The lady that interviewed Montie said that he told the story mechanically and then when he finished his personality reverted to his cheerful self. She asked Jessica where she thought the children should live and Jessica responded – Dad.

            The State told Patricia that they did not feel that the children were safe with her and that in cooperation with the Guardian, Jessica and Montie would go to live with Dad. They put this in a letter. Patricia left the building and I came upstairs.

            Montie, the six year old’s, reaction will always stick with me. The children were calm about the prospect of coming home with me and turned to the practical matter of their personal possessions. Montie informed me calmly that Mom most likely would kill their pets. This proved somewhat true, Montie’s hamster Racer was never seen again.

            Montie’s greatest annoyance was when he learned the form was fake-- that Patricia could not sign away her rights. That offended him more than anything else.

            The date, December 4, 2002.

The Children have not spent a night with their mother since that day.