Most days I believe I am a decent dad, a good father. My children – 10, 13, and 17 communicate with me and there are not a lot of secrets (I hope they keep some – first, Dad does not want to know everything and second, Dad shouldn’t know everything).

            Then those days pop up like yesterday where I am at a complete loss on how to help my child.

            Montie is a quiet child, he does not like to talk to people he does not know. Baseball coaches often confuse his silence with dislike but I assure them, it is simply Montie being Montie.

            Part of Montie’s quiet behavior is arrogance, something his father understands. Montie listens to those around him and inwardly shakes his head at the inane conversation around him.

            He has a wicked sense of humor along the Monty Python line. According to Montie, the “Monty” in Monty Python is misspelled deliberately to avoid confusion with his name and superior wit.

            But mostly it is shyness. Montie is scared to talk to people and he is scared to death of being in front of a group of people.

            I began to put this together at the Regional Spelling Bee last year. Montie threw a fit that morning, a temper tantrum designed to find a way out of the event. Of course, once it started he settled down and took second place even though he was two years younger then the next youngest person participating.

            It impacts baseball also. At practice last week, Montie hit three balls over the fence, but once he gets in front of a crowd, he freezes. I will note he was two for two last week during the game – two great hits to center field.

            Class presentations are the biggest problem. Last night, Montie announces a project is due today and he does not know what he wishes to do.

            Okay, okay, I can hear the parents out there, but this is my child who turns in all of the homework for days he misses on the first day back.

            Knowing the score, I asked Montie if the project involved a presentation before the class and he admitted this.

            Four hours of temper tantrums later, to include my own, we finished the ten minute project.

            Although knowing he has stage fright seems to help a little and although I believe we made progress on baseball, this is still Montie’s number one challenge.

            And a challenge his father is clueless about. Stage fright is simply not an issue with me as far back as I can remember. I simply do not understand it and this limits my ability to help my child. When I research the issue, crap pops up about self esteem. Self esteem is not an issue with Montie and do not even get me started on how the magical words ‘self esteem’ damages children in all aspects of their life (Do you know there is a little league in Massachusetts that does not keep score due to ‘self esteem’ issues?).

            I know enough about fear to respect my Little Man every time he goes to the plate, every time he participates in public.

            I resist the temptation to throw him to the wolves, to create public events for his participation. I think talking about it helps, especially with baseball.

            Baseball is a little different; Montie’s love of baseball and his desire to do well provides leverage for him to work on the stage fright.  Unfortunately similar loves and desires do not extend to school projects.

Any Ideas?