To date, I shied away from discussing the money issues. The stories may be interesting to those wondering about the chaos surrounding divorce or fellow victims, but I focused on the children, until today and this blog is triggered by a brief encounter. I added a page called “Themes” to the website www.fatheriam.com , this page will link to documents supporting various themes. In this case the theme is Money/Home . The page links to relevant hearings and links to letters, emails, police reports, and other documents.

Glen and I are standing in line outside the Metro Courtroom 320 a couple of days ago waiting to deal with a typical Avery foul up, my teenager getting a ticket for not having registration and proof of insurance (the documents were within arm reach) when I noticed a familiar face I simply could not place.

            We sat down next to this guy and both he and I  begin trying to figure out where we knew each other from. He thought I was a lawyer that worked with his boss. No, I am not a lawyer. I shook my head, I simply could not place him.

              Then they called his name, ‘Carlos Gonzales’ and recognition dawned. Carlos, the man who lived in my home for six months after Patricia sold the house to him illegally.

            This part of our story follows the path of complexity that haunts the tale, and demonstrates how poorly the system works when confronted with the likes of Patricia.

            I moved out of the home in February of 2002 at Patricia’s request. Despite assurances by Patricia to both the children and myself, Patricia filed for divorce a few days after I moved out.

            The first order issued in a divorce case is the Temporary Domestic Order or TDO. Patricia’s lawyer served this order with the summons and complaint on Patricia’s initial filing.

            A TDO establishes the guidelines for a ‘civilized’ divorce – no violence, no selling or tossing the other’s property, no running up huge debt as part of the community, etc… It is a three page document and the first page is the only double sided document in out four folder file. The pages are not numbered or the paragraphs.

            Of course, Patricia’s attorney only copied one side, I was missing half of the document during the entire course of our divorce. I only discovered the missing side when I went through the files to insure I had copies of all the filings.

            The order prohibited Patricia or I from selling the family home without mutual consent or a decision by the court.

            Property was about last on my list of concerns during our divorce, for several reasons. I had zero problem with Patricia receiving half of our net worth as New Mexico law required, I also saw marriage as a partnership. There was no his and hers, only ours.

            Also, I faced the prospect of the children spending substantial time with Patricia and I did not have any interest in the quality of their life changing from Dad’s house to Mom’s. When we reached our initial financial settlement, I offered Patricia substantially more then half of our net worth in order to provide a home for the children.

            The family home illustrates this.  I offered to make the house payments for two years, if Patricia refinanced the home within the three years, I would pay the difference in cash. If Patricia did not refinance the home then I would get the home back.

            This translated to about $35,000 in cash plus the equity in the home, another hundred thousand or so. This is not as generous as it sounds. The agreement did not allow Patricia to sell the home and if Patricia could not refinance in her name, I got the home back in three years.

            The house was in my sole and separate name and despite the idiot remarks by the attorneys throughout this mess --  I never denied Patricia’s legal interest in the home. The house was in my name alone because Patricia lied to me about a student loan predating our marriage. When I discovered it was unpaid, we paid it but it ruined Patricia’s credit. For this reason the house and the mortgage was in my name alone.

            Not that this stopped Patricia, before December 4^th, Patricia decided to sell the house and move out.  When we entered the home on December 6^th with the Court appointed Special Master, the house was almost empty as the Special Master testified to on the hearings of January 14^th and January 15^th.

            How do you sell a house that you are not on the title or mortgage? Actually, I encountered the method Patricia employed in a couple of tax returns and Patricia actually tried to get me to do this back in 1998.

            It is called a real estate wrap. The owner of the property ‘sells’ the home to the buyer while continuing to make the mortgage payments. Buyer pays Seller each month and Seller pays the mortgage. The Buyer’s interest can only be protected by the Seller issuing a document recording the interest, usually a warranty deed.

            So, Patricia ‘sells’ the house to Carlos for a $5,000 down payment and subsequent payments of $1,000. a month.

            The problem, at least in my mind, is Patricia could not ‘sell’ the house for numerous reasons.

·         The TDO prohibited the sell of the home. PERIOD.

·         Although, I always took the position the home was community property, technically the home was in my name alone. The home could only be sold with my signature.

·         The proposed property settlement, signed by both Patricia and myself only allowed for Patricia to refinance the home, not sell it. I wanted the home as a point of stability for the children and I did not want Patricia trying to move out of state with the kids (all of this was before I knew I was getting primary custody and eventually full custody). This was one of the methods I negotiated to insure the children stayed close.

Patricia did try to get around a few of these issues by demanding I provide her with a warranty deed for the home. I told the attorneys I would not do this until Patricia refinanced the house, that I would go to a closing at a title company and sign the paperwork then. 

Did I mention the thousands of dollars in personal property belonging to the children and I still in the family home? Patricia actually sold the home with tons of our stuff stacked up on the back porch. One time Glen asked about his stuff and Patricia told him to go after school, knock on the door, and get what he wanted.

The final touch to the craziness was paying a Special Master $150 an hour to divide personal property in the middle of this mess. The bill eventually exceed $5,000.

Summary – I am paying the mortgage on a home in which no members of the family, to include Patricia, is living in across the street from the schools the children attend. The house is occupied by parties unknown and according to Patricia, all of our personal property is stacked on the back porch. I am awarded temporary full custody of the children but have to rent a home outside of the school district they are ordered by the Court to attend.

I tried to take the house back after they moved out and before the new people moved in. I actually had a locksmith change the locks. Patricia had them changed again the next day.

I decided to back down until the custody issue was settled at the January 15^th hearing. Obviously, the children were more important then the house and I wanted nothing to distract from this. This proved especially true after Patricia’s first attorney tacked himself onto the hearing to whine about not getting paid.

Patricia told different stories about the house transaction. At this time, she told the Court and the Guardian that she had ‘swapped’ houses with a friend of hers in order to avoid my alleged stalking.

While searching the internet for the names of the people living in the house, I discovered Patricia’s website raising money to deal with my alleged abuse.

I wrote the people living in the home.

        All of these events led to the conclusion that the property settlement was untenable. How can you enter into an agreement with someone who has no intention of being bound? Giving up the home in the belief I would be providing it for my children was no longer true, so we need to start again. I instructed my attorney to file a motion to set aside the proposed property settlement.

        It struck me that I might be providing Patricia with a way out. It would be harder to convince the judge to give the house back to us if Patricia was living in it. If Patricia’s story about the house swap was true, she could simply move back into the home. I decided to not take the people living in the home to Court but to work through the Family Court.

        To me, the issues were clear. There was no property settlement because Patricia had violated it. There was no issue about removing the people from the home because Patricia had sold the house illegally and in violation of the TDO. If Patricia did not wish to live in the home, as demonstrated by her actions, and the children and I did, then we should move back into the home pending a new property settlement. Good Lord, the house is across the street from the schools.

        What is clear to me is obviously mud to anyone connected with the Family Court System. My attorney simply refused to raise the matter of fraud and illegal acts, and when she did the arguments seemed to sail right over the judge’s head.

        At least with Judge Jewell, she always thinks in terms of the children. She decided that since we were getting a second custody evaluation, she would ask Dr. Zieman to decide if moving back to the family home was in the best interest of the children.

        Judge Jewell made this decision in April, month four of strangers in the home.

            The Judge, GAL, attorneys, Patricia, and I could not conclude from this letter if moving back to the home was in the best interest of the children. His testimony in May did not help, finally the Judge asked him point blank and he said yes.

            End result, the judge returned the house to me effective June 30, 2003.

            Carlos lived in our home for six months. I began to visit with him about this issue and removed most of our property in April.

            Carlos stated he went and visited an attorney after receiving my letter. The attorney told him that what I said could very well be true and he should wait to see if I proceed, when I decided not to, he simply stayed put.

            I brought him a copy of the May order and he agreed to move out. He lived in the home with his girlfriend, mother, and stepfather. The stepfather grumbled a great deal but the move went as smoothly as one could expect.

            Eventually, after Patricia’s arrest and pleading guilty, I filed a Motion for Summary Judgment in regards to the property settlement. In December 2004, Judge Jewell ruled the property settlement final with me keeping the home and many other assets and Patricia owing me another $20,000 in addition to Child Support.

            The details are for another blog, basically the Judge agreed Patricia had already spent her share of the community.

            Patricia appealed the financial settlement to the Court of Appeals. She never appealed any of the decisions awarding me custody and restricting or eliminating her visitation with the children, she only appealed the money.