November 16, 2005

Deadly sick as I was, I dragged myself to court Monday for the Domestic Violence Hearings with Patricia and her ‘father’ Joe.

For those that have not heard the latest in the strange life of my ex, in the end of September, she introduced a strange man in our lives as her biological father.

Patricia had told the story for years about how she was the result of an affair that her mother had. I discuss this story in my draft and had always attributed it as one of Patricia’s fantasies.

The fantasy took a strange and deadly form in September as Patricia’s second husband, Kyle, introduced me to Grandpa Joe at Patricia and Kyle’s divorce trial. And Joe was not an appealing figure. He showed up to court in a brown knit shirt unbuttoned to his navel and brown knit pants. Almost the first words out of his mouth were “If Patricia does not get to see the kids, I will”.

Absolutely amazing story, thirty-eight years ago, Patricia’s mother had an affair with an Albuquerque native named Joe while both families were stationed in Spain. Joe then finished his career in the Army and returned home to Albuquerque. In 1986, amazing as it may be, Patricia married an Albuquerque boy serving in the 82d Airborne and they moved to Albuquerque. Father and daughter living in the same town unknown to each other until 2003 when Patricia went out looking for her daddy and discovered he lived only a couple of miles away.

Now reunited with his daughter he was ready to see his grandchildren, Glen, Jessica, and Montie.

What is a father suppose to do? I grilled Joe about this amazing story and some of the facts did not add up. He told me the affair happened in the Carolinas and he told me that Patricia’s mother and younger sister were aware of the reunification between Father and daughter. But not Patricia’s older sister with whom I might be in contact My understanding of Patricia’s past indicated that any affair that resulted in Patricia’s birth took place in Spain while Patricia’s family was stationed there and nine months before Patricia was born outside of Madrid.

One of the reasons I am alive and not dead, despite the well published efforts of my ex-wife, is a healthy respect for both Patricia’s intelligence and craziness. I made a decision to act the moment Joe brought my kids into this. New Mexico is a state with presumed Grandparent visitation rights and I could see this spiraling into an ugly fight if I did not address the issue at once.

The logical next step was to contact Patricia’s mother Edna. Picture calling your ex mother-in-law and telling her – “Oh, by the way, I met a man today that claimed that he had an affair with you thirty-eight years ago and that Patricia was the result. Yes, yes, I have heard this story from Patricia over the last two decades and the guy tells me that you knew about him and Patricia getting together”.

I called Patricia’s younger sister, told her the story, and told her that I needed to bring this up with their mother, “Mel”, I told her, “you understand why I need to approach Edna about this, I am not going to let this guy see the kids if I can help it. You are going to have act in the best interest of your family and decide how we approach your mother”.

Mel agreed she was on the spot and wanted to talk it over with her husband before deciding on the best course of action. She called me back a few hours later and said that they decided that she should approach Edna, and that she had done so. Result – Edna very much wanted to talk to me.

I called Edna and her reaction is best described as livid She did not appreciate her daughter labeling her as an adulterer, especially in open court. She provided a specific timeline that refuted Joe’s version of events. Specifically, that they had been in Spain for three uninterrupted years from January of 1965 until December of 1967. Patricia’s conception must have occurred around May of 1966. I later confirmed this timeline with Patricia’s older sister, ten at the time, and Patricia’s legal father, Ed.

Simply put, three witnesses, two of which hated each other’s guts, Edna and Ed, all made Joe’s story about the affair a lie.

My biggest concern, and still is, is Joe’s motivation. Patricia’s motivation is easiest to assume as an effort to cause pain, no matter what the cost. But why would Joe perjury himself in court? The question became even more critical as Joe further intruded into my life.

The next evening, Joe telephoned the house and Jessica answered the telephone. The conversation lasted about twenty minutes and the intent was to convince me that he was indeed Patricia’s father. He told me that Edna had called him and chewed him out for breaking his promise of thirty-eight years. He then proceeded to tell me about the recent death of his son.

Finally, he broached the matter of Patricia’s attempt on my life. “You know what she went to jail for I have been accused of”, he told me.

“What, trying to kill a spouse” I replied.

“No, no, but for years the police have thought of me as a hit man”, he said “and everyone that has ever argued with me in public has ended up missing”

And I am thinking to myself, “What the hell”, and wishing I had a way to record this. Wait a moment; I remember the house is set up to record telephone conversations. Two years ago, when the State took away the kids from Patricia, the court order gave me the right to record all conversations for later review. The gear was still hooked up to the phone. I rushed into the den and turned on the recorder just as Joe was repeating himself about everyone that argues with him in public disappears.

Yes, one sided recording of telephone conversation is legal in New Mexico. There is not even the requirement for a ‘beep’ to notify the other party. The Albuquerque Journal ran an article on Sandia recording employee conversation a couple of months ago. You can hear most of the recorded conversation as part of the audio record in the subsequent hearing at fatheriam.com

And let’s remember folks, I am dealing with an ex wife that placed an ad on the Internet and hired two hit men to kill me. Fortunately, the first one never showed up and the second one was an undercover sheriff deputy. Let me add that the plan was to kill me in the family home with the children in the home. What do you think would have happened to my kids if they had surprised the hit man?

No apologies for turning the recorder on Joe, just kicking myself for not having thought of it earlier.

On the tape is both the second and third time Joe stated that anyone that argued with him ended up missing and a long story about a former Lobo basketball player that ended up dead after arguing with Joe on Central. Of course Joe denied that he had ever killed anyone.

When I talked to the various police departments over the next few days, they referred to Joe’s behavior as ‘fronting’. This is common criminal behavior where one lies about one’s history to appear more threatening.

Joe was not a criminal, it appears he had been investigated several times but never convicted of a crime.

The same could not be said for his children, Patricia’s relationship aside. The son he discussed in the September 29, 2005 telephone conversation died while in the laceName w:st="on">BernalillolaceName> laceType w:st="on">CountylaceType> laceName w:st="on">DetentionlaceName> laceType w:st="on">CenterlaceType> awaiting trial on charges of kidnapping and rape of a child under thirteen years old. Another daughter was serving out in Women’s Correctional Facility in Grants on charges of drug dealing, prostitution, and child abuse.

Isn’t the Internet wonderful? All of this information available after only a few keystrokes.

Wait a moment, Grants? The pieces started coming together. One of Joe’s real daughters was serving time out at Grants with Patricia. It seemed much more likely that Patricia and Joe met each other through this other daughter while they both served in prison. I thought this more likely than the story they told, plus it added to the incredible circumstance. Why, not only was your biological father living in the same town you moved to in 1986, but by sheer coincidence you and your half sister were serving in the same women’s prison. Right……

Grandpa Joe fronting as a hit man with two children spending time in prison for crimes involving children, any wonder I took the Walther out of the gun safe and chambered a round? Anyone remember my window being shot out a couple of months previous? Certain security procedures went into place.

The questions proved simple. First, to what extent was Uncle Joe a threat to the children and myself? Second, after the possibility of violence, what were Joe and Patricia’s other objectives? Third, again, what in the world could motivate Joe to perjury himself and take these other actions on Patricia’s behalf.

One of the first indications of wisdom is the understanding that you will never find answers to many of your critical, vital, questions.

A second indication is the ability to chart a successful course despite a lack of information and answers.

I am not making any pretensions of wisdom, but I am an individual that actively believes the important decision is when to be active. If I prove unsuccessful in this effort, feel free to dig up my dead body and gloat.

I decide to act, first with law enforcement and then to file a restraining order against Joe and Patricia. The Dixie Chicks accurately describe the feebleness of a restraining order, but I restricted my actions to legal actions and believed the important step was disrupting the timing of whatever Joe and Patricia planned.

I got a little bit of a runaround with the police initially, due to the nature of our relationship with the police. Patricia was initially arrested by the Sheriff’s department and by their homicide unit. This is probably one of the most overworked units in the Albuquerque area. Obviously, it made sense for them to pick up any further possible criminal acts by Patricia and obviously it had a lower priority. Half of them were in New Orleans helping with hurricane relief and the rest were in the middle of a horrible child molestation and possible murder case in the east mountains.

I also called the judge presiding over Patricia’s second divorce and told them what I discovered about Patricia’s actual relationship with Joe and his testimony that he was her father.

The sheriff’s department came out and took my initial report. The deputy who took the report had been in the room when the department started exchanging email with Patricia during her search for the hit man. He told they all stood around the computer during the rapid exchange of emails, initially refusing to believe that she was serious and then coming to realize just how serious she was in her efforts to seek my death.

Before I could get full involvement from the law, Joe decided to contact me a second time, he called the office on October 6, 2005.

I got the recorder on during the first few minutes of the conversation. This time Joe called to tell me that a judge had ordered him to take a DNA test and that the results proved without a doubt that he was Patricia’s father.

This time I proved a little less polite then my first telephone conversation with Joe and grilled him pretty hard.

Which judge? He could not tell me.

Where did the test get done? Somewhere on second street

When did the test get done? On Wednesday.

And they had the results this quick, in about thirty hours? Why of course

So, can I get a copy of the test? Sure, if you could find it.

So, tell me your blood type? What are you going to play judge, now?

You claim to be my kid’s grandfather and almost your first words to me were that if Patricia did not see the kids, you would. I am acting in the best interest of my children. Okay, but I just said I would try and see the kids.

On and on, me asking the questions and him evading answers, telling me again and again that there was no doubt that he was Patricia’s father and my kid’s grandfather.

He ended up telling me that he did not want to intrude on me. I said, right – he had called twice in a week, the first time at home and my daughter answered the phone, the second time at the office. He was intruding; he was imposing himself on our lives.

I really felt that when one lie failed, he simply moved on to the next one. He was not worried at all about my confrontation. My impression was that of a con man always believing that he could land the mark.

Not understanding his motivation worried me. What in the world did he expect to gain by perjuring himself and harassing me from a crazy, broke, imprisoned woman?

And let me tell how upset Patricia’s mother was. She called on an almost daily basis for updates. Here I am, forty-four years old, single and the number one woman I conversed with is my ex-wife’s mother.

One story that also came from Joe, Patricia’s mother, and her sister was Patricia insistence that she was seriously ill. It occurred to me that if Joe was on file with the Department of Corrections as Patricia’s next of kin, we would never learn any truth about her health. I suggested to my ex mother-in-law that she write a letter to the Corrections Department refuting Joe’s claim of fatherhood and noting that she was Patricia’s true next of kin. I figured it was a constructive way for her to address the pain Patricia caused her.

The sheriff’s department decided to spend several hours with Joe to assure him that they were interested in his involvement with my family, the next day they served him with the temporary restraining order I sought. I am eternally grateful for their actions and wrote a thank you note to Sheriff White.

I filed for a restraining order against both Joe and Patricia. I knew I had a solid case against Joe, but the only way that I could prove Patricia’s involvement was if I got Joe to admit that he called me at Patricia’s request. Unfortunately, on the hearing on Monday, I was pretty sick and not at my best. Additionally, KOAT ran a story on the hearing Monday morning. It is possible that the Commissioner saw the story and became aware that a typical easy restraining order granted against Patricia might mean six years more in jail for her and a headache for him.

Obviously, Patricia and Joe came into the hearing prepared to refute my claims. What they did not anticipate was the recordings I made. I questioned Joe for several minutes and elicited lie after lie. He lied about telling me that he wanted to see the kids, he lied about his reason for calling me on the 29^th, and he lied about telling me that people who argued with him disappeared. The last proved a little interesting. I guess he felt a little vulnerable on this one, because he went into this long story about how he had told me about this guy who worked for Kinney Bricks that used to claim that everyone he had argued with in public disappeared.

Joe was not happy when I pulled out the CDs and played them for the Commissioner. I obtained a two year restraining order that does not allow whim to be with 100 yards of my home or work, or 15 yards in a public place. It also requires him to surrender all firearms for the next two years and not to have one in his possession at any location. Any violation results in an immediate arrest until a hearing is held.

As I was half expected, he did not give Patricia up and I did not get a restraining order against Patricia.

Motivation still bothers me. Commissioner Sheppard seemed to have the same doubts about the relationship between Joe and Patricia. He told Joe that he could only issue the restraining order because he was Patricia’s biological father, he emphasized the point, but Joe stood mute and let him issue the order.