It is June 2003 and my ex wife and I are in our first pro se hearing. She had filed several motions and the expense to fight them totaled several thousand dollars, so my attorney was now a luxury I could no longer afford.

A month before, the psychologist made his second evaluation report to the Court. Patricia expected to get the two youngest kids back, although why she thought this is anyone’s guess. Instead, the psychologist recommended making the arrangements since January permanent. I would have effective custody and she would be restricted to two hours a week of supervised visitation with the hope of eventually reaching seven hours a week.

Patricia responded with another suicide gesture. She parked the van in the garage and turned it on. When the policed found her, she was semi conscious and the van was turned off. She claimed later that she spent five days in ICU. The police report states that she told the police that a mechanic friend told her that cars no longer vented carbon monoxide and she turned the car on to listen to the music while cleaning the garage.

Although, I do not know if the gesture was over the kids or losing her motions that would have cost us hundreds of thousands of dollars.

The kids had gone a month without hearing or talking to their mother. Previous suicide gestures involved the kids, so the kids worried about their mother a little. And I, fool that I was, still harbored hope for Patricia, hope that she could become a functional parent, a mother that placed her children first.

I emailed her; court orders prohibited telephone calls, but no luck. The only time she attempted to call was a time I had informed her that the kids would not be there.

The night before the hearing, I talked to Jessica. She had just turned ten. I told her that I would try and get her mother to call her from the courtroom, but not to get her hopes up. It was likely that her mother would not even show up at the hearing. I also told her not to tell Montie and I gave her a cell phone.

The hearing began at 10:07 the next morning, since Patricia had asked for the hearing; I did not get a chance to bring up the telephone call until 10:29. Until 10:35, Patricia made excuses, stating that she believed it was the kids’ responsibility to call her, that she had been on vacation, and that she had been in ICU for five days. She then argued that the telephone schedule was too restrictive. It was not until the Judge and I asked her a second time and I restated that Jessica was awaiting her call that she decided to make the call. She spent approximately ten minutes on the telephone with the younger children.

At the time, I thought it was a breakthrough. For the next several months, Patricia kept in touch with the kids, made the telephone calls, and made visits. I thought the relationships improved, even with our oldest child, Glen

I even scheduled her first unsupervised visit with Glen for February 9, 2004.

This was the Monday after Patricia’s hit man was to have killed me while the children were in the home.