Patricia’s hearing was moved back to October 7^th yesterday after she would not agree to the stipulated order with a finding of competency. Both the ADA and I believe it was actually a matter of timing. If Patricia were released yesterday she would be homeless as her husband is currently incarcerated. He is due to be released after his 8^th DWI arrest in a few weeks, thus it makes sense for her to postpone her release a few weeks. After all, being in prison is like being in a girl’s boarding school according to a letter she wrote Glen a couple of years ago.

            Eventually she will be released. As I discuss and plan this with various parties, someone inevitably makes the joke that they anticipate Patricia and I will get back together.

            Some joke.

            While my humanity rises in anger over Patricia’s treatment by the Beast Machine (really, next week will be two years she has been in jail for ‘attempted’ suicide); while I remember with each day that these, for better or worse, are our children (children that may never know what their father went through to try and give them the best life possible to include a functional mother); while there are days I am lonely (well, I am never that lonely) – the truth is I will be happy never to see Patricia again.

            I am not angry at Patricia, I do not hate her. On the other hand, I do not pity her, I do not love her.

            Patricia’s fragile mental health was supported by the family, mainly the children, my parents, my brothers and their families, and myself until she made the choices that resulted in the life she lives today.

            One of the few moments of shock over the last several years occurred when, as required by the Guardian Ad Litem, listening into the conversations between Patricia and then six year old Montie. His mother would start by saying how much she loved him, repeating this over and over again. Montie would then direct the conversation to provide meaning “Mom, how was your day?” “What did you do today?” “How is Kyle?” “How are the dogs?”. Never once did I hear Patricia ask about Montie’s day or school, or anything else. It was always about her.

            What the hell did Patricia think the hit man was going to do if he ran into the children in the home? Give them a hug and tuck them into bed? Eight times he brought up the FACT that the children would be present when I was murdered and Patricia blew it off. She even brought it up once.

            It is not so much as complete disregard for the safety of her own children but the single minded obsessive desire to see me dead at any cost, including the possible murder of the children with me.

            And it was not the first time. She once attacked me while I was driving down a freeway in California with the children in the van.

            Everyone who knows me knows I live for my children.

            No one, no one has ever treated my children as horribly as their mother. She abused them mentally and physically for years.

            Who the hell would believe that I would let this monster back into my life, into their lives?

            She has rights? In my opinion she surrendered those rights years ago. How could her rights as a mother supersede the children’s right to a better life?

            Her involvement is in the best interest of the children?  After all she has done, this is no longer assumed, but will have to be demonstrated. The very assumption of this is potentially abusive to the children. For example, involving the children in a custody evaluation to determine if Patricia could see the children is the second step. The FIRST step is proving she is sane and functional enough to even think about visitation. She does not share this burden with the children, she bares it alone.

            And her fitness must be proven to ME, not a psychologist, not a Guardian Ad Lietm, not a social worker, and not a District Judge. The opinion of these people mean nothing to me. Before they got involved in our lives, Patricia was a functional member of society, who even taught at La Cueva.

            If a judge is stupid enough to even order a custody evaluation before the status of Patricia’s mental health is determined, I will appeal all the way to the US Supreme Court. I will spend the six cents I have left to make sure the public understands the stupidity of this judge’s action and work hard to see the judge removed from the bench.

            And don’t accuse me of parental alienation, it is a self serving allegation. My children know better, but since I have ‘alienated’ them, they can not be trusted.  I went through this before with the first custody evaluation in reference to allegation I abused Patricia.

Thanks for removing my children’s dignity and rights.

            No where here did I say that it was impossible for Patricia to see the children, I simply established the standard. I stand mute on the children’s involvement in this decision as the Beast Machine considers  such conversations with the children as abusive..