Consequences

And Into the Jaws of the Beast Machine

Stephen Avery — Fri, 09 Apr 2010 16:29:00 GMT

The Beast Machine reared its ugly head yesterday, reminding me how it continues to put its hunger above the needs of the family, reminding me how its stupidity endangers the family, reminding me how it consumes many of the minds of those family members entering its den.

I share my experiences through my website fatheriam.com and through personal contacts. People find me there or are referred to me by others for what little insight I can provide. My only compensation is the hope that other families do not relive some of the horrors our family experienced over the last decade.

If I was to sum up my thoughts about conflicted divorce in one motto, it is “Always take the high road, always”. Divorce courts are full of liars, full of dirty tricks, full of thieves to such an extent that the judges usually do not recognize truth when they see it, they only sort through the various lies.

Of course, some might argue Patricia’s mental illness made this easier for me. Patricia’s mental illness was degenerative and offset by her brilliance and charm for the first several months of the divorce. This and her willingness to lie about anything. It was not until she expressed her anger against Glen by putting his dog down that a little truth started making our way into the divorce. And I would laugh at anyone who might label my divorce easy.

And you fall into classical rationalism – it is okay for me to act this way because he started it. Like Patricia telling the bond hearing judge that she had sought my death before I could kill her.

Our society is wrestling with some of these questions at the moment. There is the wife who shot her husband with a shotgun three times while he lay sleeping with their young children in the house and fled the scene with the children afterwards. Her sentence – four months. There is a similar case pending here in Albuquerque.

The use of the ‘high road’ and the employment of lawyers is typically a contradiction in terms. The legal profession is the only part of our cultural where ‘Victory equates Justice’ and often ‘Might equals Right’.

Now to our story.

One lady I have been talking to for the last five years continued to claim she wanted a divorce but found excuse after excuse to stay miserable and to share her misery with her children.

At first I was supportive, but eventually came to realize that I was part of the problem. Our relationship became a classical ‘emotional affair’ and as long as she received emotional love and support from me, she could not move forward in resolving her relationship with her husband and healing her family.

She refused to see it this way. To her, any friendship that was not physical and met her needs was okay. We argued and argued about this and she simply refused to see my point of view. Our relationship was additionally complicated by the close friendship between two of our children, so some communication is necessary. I tried again and again to reduce our relationship to that level but after a few weeks, she would attempt to scale it back up.

Finally last month, I made some progress and got her mad enough at me to back off. She seemed to understand she could no longer turn to me for advice and support. She needed to move on.

And right into the jaws of the Beast Machine.

Last night I hear from my child who wants to go over to this lady’s house that the lady is busy filling out a restraining order against her husband against whom she has not filed divorce.

Remember, I have been deeply emotionally involved with this woman for several years. Time and time again, I heard her complaints and stories about her husband. On one occasion, two or three years ago, she related an incident of the night before where he had been physically abusive to their daughter, about eleven years old, by slamming her head against the desk. I pleaded with her to report it to the police but she refused. Later, it became fuel in her ‘misery’ complex as she expressed time and time again her subsequent regret at not calling the police.

And it is important to recall that I have been deeply emotionally involved with another woman in my past, my mentally ill ex wife. I kept in my mind that I was hearing only one side of the story and her refusal to act on her complaints and her lack of discretion with her own children attached some doubt to her creditability.

But, I felt it likely her husband was emotionally abuse. She, without even realizing it, also related a few stories of her emotional abuse of him.

Emotional abuse between adults is probably one of the poorest defined terms in the area of family issues. Either every insult and argument is an example of abuse or there are levels where we must assume adults are communicating harshly.

It is a judgment call and of course the worst example I know is when Hearing Officer Lopez ruled that if Patricia felt threatened then she was.

Adding to my concern is that I am hearing this from my child who is hearing it from her friend.

One of the Beast Machine’s fantasies is the belief that children do not have to be told anything about a divorce. The idea is to spare the children as much as possible and to avoid putting them in the middle.

Nice fantasy, put the reality is the children are more involved in the divorce then anyone else and need to be supported during the process. APS runs an excellent program for elementary school students called ‘Banana Splits’ to help with this.

It is a fine line responsible parents need to walk. In my case, it is important to remember my children were the victims of their mother’s mental illness, more so then I will ever be. In addition, there was my children’s intelligence to consider, often greater then the adults within the Beast Machine. I remember the court psychologist chewing me out for some remarks fourteen year old Glen made about his mother’s ‘chemical imbalance’ and drawing the conclusion that Glen picked this up in conversations with me. Actually, it was Glen’s own thoughts.

I have criticized the lady in question time after time over the years for communicating too much of her problems to the children. First and foremost, it borders on abuse to tell a child year after year that you are going to rescue them from their father by filing for divorce and then never doing it.

Second, how the hell can you tell a child that you are getting a restraining order against the father although he has done nothing specific on the advice of your divorce lawyer?

Aye, there is the rub. Apparently, after I managed to end my relationship with this lady, she was finally able to move on and made the decision to end her relationship with her husband only to fall into the jaws of the Beast Machine by filing charges of domestic violence against her husband only because her Beast Machine lawyer advices so.

And the Beast Machine lawyer now takes what could have been a simple case, worth only a couple of thousand dollars into a high conflict case generating fees now in the ten of thousands.

The vast majority of cases filed in Albuquerque are resolved without a single hearing; the vast majority of the remaining cases are closed with a single hearing. Complicated cases like mine are extremely rare, less then one out of a hundred.

The very allegation of domestic violence disqualifies you from participating in the Family Court Clinic, a non lawyer way to work out the issues of your divorce.

Even if there is domestic violence, bringing it up may not be the best way to proceed and requires deliberate thought.

She files those papers and she enters my world and she is not welcome.

The Next Chapter, Our Story

Stephen Avery — Sat, 27 Feb 2010 00:00:00 GMT

Here is the email I received from the Department of Corrections today.

Good afternoon Mr. Avery,

I hope all is well. I tried contacting you at the last know numbers I had for you and one of those numbers was disconnected. I tried calling an alternate number I found for you and the mailbox was full. Luckily, I was able to retrieve your e-mail address. I am contacting you regarding a message I received from Leon Shook, probation and parole officer, regarding Patricia Long. Mr. Shook advised me that offender Long had her final sentencing this week and she was given a unsatisfactory discharge from probation and was released from custody. Mr. Shook wanted to ensure you were aware of the status. You may have already received notice from the D.A.'s office regarding the probation sentencing status, however, we wanted to ensure you were aware of the most recent status.

If you have questions regarding this matter, please contact my office.

Sincerely,

Francine Garcia
Victim Services
New Mexico Corrections Department
P.O. Box 27116
Santa Fe, NM
505-827-8848

I Speak for the Dead

Stephen Avery — Fri, 12 Feb 2010 18:56:00 GMT

I speak for Michael Snyder shot eight times by his wife and then buried in the yard only to be found by his stepson’s conscience as the stepson confessed his limited involvement in the crime to friends and later the police.

And where was Michael’s six year old daughter as shot after shot impacted her father, as mom wrapped dad’s body in a tarp to be stored until later buried?

Conscience does not seem to be an issue for the wife after several shots, getting a friend to bring a backhoe in for body disposal; lying to the police about her husband’s whereabouts; and failing to disclosure to the new homebuyers that she had turned the yard into an impromptu cemetery where she acted as judge, executioner, corner, and mortician.

Why, because she was the victim of years of abuse of course. Abuse which lead her to defending herself against abusive husband who, by the way, was also apparently dealing with questions about his own sexuality.

And the only witness to the abuse, apparently not the seventeen year old son, or the six year old daughter who should be able to outline incident after incident of where stepfather/father heaped this abuse on mom to such an extent that seven or eight bullet holes proved the only remedy. But I am sure you give them enough time and they will come up with the stories necessary to defend their one surviving parent. After all we do not wish the fourteen year old daughter to lose both parents, especially a mother who involves a minor child in the attempt to hide her criminal actions.

And there are no police reports, no shaking heads among neighbors and friends, just one male ‘friend’ who saw the bruises on the wife and did not respond by calling the police, by setting up counseling or other services, no he responded by lending her the murder weapon.

And if you believe all of this is ridiculous beyond belief, Google “Mary Winkler”.

She recovers or she does not

Stephen Avery — Wed, 14 Oct 2009 21:37:00 GMT

It is now over two years since Patricia’s arrest for violating her probation by making numerous suicide gestures/attempts.

I missed the hearing last week as I was out of town on business and my information comes from our son Glen and the assistant district attorney.

I am not sure how many of these hearings spread out over the last two years, at least half a dozen. I was thinking half a dozen, but the court website says eleven. This number does not include the three we traveled down for and the court cancelled at the last moment.

This hearing differed from the others. First, it took and hour and a half before they could get Patricia into the court room. The ADA states she was ‘combative’. Glen says she was in tears for the subsequent half hour until they took her back out.

She agreed to the recent finding of competency. The ADA stated a plan to send her to an out patient program in Las Vegas, New Mexico to finish out the remainder of her probation. The judge scheduled another hearing for December 2, 2009.

As I understand it, Patricia faces two choices. If she agrees to the DA plan, she would leave for Las Vegas as soon as arrangement can be made. If she does not agree then their will be a trial on the merits sometime after December 2. At the end of this trial, Judge Murdoch can send her to Vegas, send her back to jail in Grants, send her back to probation in Albuquerque, or even release her with a discharge from probation.

My calculation for her husband’s release date seems to have been short, I thought Mr. Lopez would be released by now but he is still in jail for his own probation violation (DWI arrest number eight).

I really did not wish to hear the word ‘combative’. It is an indication that little has changed, Patricia is unchanged.

People ask how the children are doing; honestly I am so proud of them. Glen feels genuine sorrow for the events; sorrow not to be confused with pity, trust, or missing contact.

I believe Jessica has dismissed her from consideration and her life. She did not have to assume some responsibility for her mother as Glen was forced to at seventeen, thus I believe her position is natural and rational.

Montie worries a little, and shares the sincere desire with his father that this would simply end.

Someone asked me yesterday how does this end, it has been ongoing since February 2002, my thirteen year-old son was five.

My response, “It ends one of two ways, she recovers or she does not”.

“If she recovers, it is a miracle to be shared with the world, a time of rejoicing and attempts to heal”.

“If she does not recover it could be years of this chaos as she fights the world until all energy is drained out of her soul and body”.

Same Old Song

Stephen Avery — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 17:01:00 GMT

Patricia’s hearing was moved back to October 7^th yesterday after she would not agree to the stipulated order with a finding of competency. Both the ADA and I believe it was actually a matter of timing. If Patricia were released yesterday she would be homeless as her husband is currently incarcerated. He is due to be released after his 8^th DWI arrest in a few weeks, thus it makes sense for her to postpone her release a few weeks. After all, being in prison is like being in a girl’s boarding school according to a letter she wrote Glen a couple of years ago.

Eventually she will be released. As I discuss and plan this with various parties, someone inevitably makes the joke that they anticipate Patricia and I will get back together.

Some joke.

While my humanity rises in anger over Patricia’s treatment by the Beast Machine (really, next week will be two years she has been in jail for ‘attempted’ suicide); while I remember with each day that these, for better or worse, are our children (children that may never know what their father went through to try and give them the best life possible to include a functional mother); while there are days I am lonely (well, I am never that lonely) – the truth is I will be happy never to see Patricia again.

I am not angry at Patricia, I do not hate her. On the other hand, I do not pity her, I do not love her.

Patricia’s fragile mental health was supported by the family, mainly the children, my parents, my brothers and their families, and myself until she made the choices that resulted in the life she lives today.

One of the few moments of shock over the last several years occurred when, as required by the Guardian Ad Litem, listening into the conversations between Patricia and then six year old Montie. His mother would start by saying how much she loved him, repeating this over and over again. Montie would then direct the conversation to provide meaning “Mom, how was your day?” “What did you do today?” “How is Kyle?” “How are the dogs?”. Never once did I hear Patricia ask about Montie’s day or school, or anything else. It was always about her.

What the hell did Patricia think the hit man was going to do if he ran into the children in the home? Give them a hug and tuck them into bed? Eight times he brought up the FACT that the children would be present when I was murdered and Patricia blew it off. She even brought it up once.

It is not so much as complete disregard for the safety of her own children but the single minded obsessive desire to see me dead at any cost, including the possible murder of the children with me.

And it was not the first time. She once attacked me while I was driving down a freeway in California with the children in the van.

Everyone who knows me knows I live for my children.

No one, no one has ever treated my children as horribly as their mother. She abused them mentally and physically for years.

Who the hell would believe that I would let this monster back into my life, into their lives?

She has rights? In my opinion she surrendered those rights years ago. How could her rights as a mother supersede the children’s right to a better life?

Her involvement is in the best interest of the children? After all she has done, this is no longer assumed, but will have to be demonstrated. The very assumption of this is potentially abusive to the children. For example, involving the children in a custody evaluation to determine if Patricia could see the children is the second step. The FIRST step is proving she is sane and functional enough to even think about visitation. She does not share this burden with the children, she bares it alone.

And her fitness must be proven to ME, not a psychologist, not a Guardian Ad Lietm, not a social worker, and not a District Judge. The opinion of these people mean nothing to me. Before they got involved in our lives, Patricia was a functional member of society, who even taught at La Cueva.

If a judge is stupid enough to even order a custody evaluation before the status of Patricia’s mental health is determined, I will appeal all the way to the US Supreme Court. I will spend the six cents I have left to make sure the public understands the stupidity of this judge’s action and work hard to see the judge removed from the bench.

And don’t accuse me of parental alienation, it is a self serving allegation. My children know better, but since I have ‘alienated’ them, they can not be trusted. I went through this before with the first custody evaluation in reference to allegation I abused Patricia.

Thanks for removing my children’s dignity and rights.

No where here did I say that it was impossible for Patricia to see the children, I simply established the standard. I stand mute on the children’s involvement in this decision as the Beast Machine considers such conversations with the children as abusive..

La Belle Dame sans Merci

Stephen Avery — Sun, 06 Sep 2009 20:37:00 GMT

I fell in love with Dicksee’s La Belle Dame sans Merci as a freshman in college. The painting is inspired by a Keat’s poem of the same name. My love is one of those moments in your life difficult to explain.

I own a copy that use to hang in my office and now hangs in my den. A print with Dicksee’s version and two other Romantic artist’s versions hangs in my bedroom. A third relief version hangs in the master bathroom.

My first love of the painting was without knowledge of the title or the poem Keat’s wrote. I fell in love with the idea Dicksee communicated of total surrender, of giving yourself up to Love completely.

The Knight is a Christ figure, vulnerable to the slightest movement of the beauty above him. And such beauty -- the long red hair, the beauty of her face, the perfect dress setting off the white flesh.

To me this was Chivalry at it best, in service to Beauty.

Before the internet, I searched for information about the painting, glimpsed only for a moment at seventeen years of age. Eventually I found information to include the title --

La Belle Dame sans Merci, or The Beautiful Woman without Mercy and the poem by Keats, the tenth and eleventh stanzas follow:

I saw pale kings and princes too,

Pale warriors, death-pale were they all;

They cried—“La Belle Dame sans Merci

Hath thee in thrall!”

I saw their starved lips in the gloam,

With horrid warning gaped wide,

And I awoke and found me here,

On the cold hill’s side

It is a poem about a knight killed or trapped by a fairy princess, doomed to eternally be wrapped up in her spell.

And who says God does not have a sense of humor?

A Dad's VIew of Domestic Violence

Stephen Avery — Sun, 02 Aug 2009 20:38:00 GMT

MSN put an interesting headline up yesterday, “Man Claims Wife Beat Him”. The story sounded oddly familiar and the article proved of interest.

Unlike David Woods nick on his neck caused by his wife attacking him, I still bear the scar of where Patricia threw my grandfather’s piggy bank at me.

Unlike David Woods, a police officer did not interview my children and I was arrested and charged with Domestic Violence back in 1993.

This is my description of our domestic violence history from the first chapter of my book.

Domestic Violence

Patricia’s temper at times included a physical aspect. Before 1993 I obtained scars from when she threw an old fashioned alarm clock at me and when she threw my grandfather’s piggy bank at me, shattering it.

Not once in our sixteen years of marriage did I hit Patricia. Initially, I made no response at all. Unfortunately, this passive stance seemed to enrage Patricia even more and I began to receive real damage. Attempts at restraining Patricia also proved of limited value. She was not weak and she was very determined.

Frankly, physical assaults by Patricia were rare. We could go years between them. I also learned methods to minimize the risk. I avoided getting close to Patricia during an argument. If she approached, I backed off. I left the house when I could. Sometimes she would threaten me with suicide or destroying personal items. Musical CDs were a personal favorite of her’s to destroy. She never, never, threatened the children; but later, she would force the children to call me and beg me to come home. I am sure I tried to ‘time’ some fights also. If I knew Patricia was going to be upset about something, I would try and deal with it over the telephone so her rage would pass before I got home.

But in 1993, we had been married not yet seven years and I was far from refining my defense methods and there were a lot of stress factors.

Patricia was pregnant with Jessica and working with a boss she disliked. My company was in danger; we had just lost a contract that accounted for forty percent of our revenue. I was forced to work until ten or eleven trying to develop plans that would allow the company to survive but resulted in twenty people losing their jobs.

On top of it all, I had pneumonia as a result of an idiot physician assistant prescribing me a cough suppressant instead of something to clear out my lungs.

The result – instead of being home helping my pregnant wife or taking care of myself -- I was working late at the office trying to save my job due to someone else’s mistakes.

I came home a little after six to find Patricia in a rage. I went to the bedroom to change my clothes when she attacked me. I was simply too sick to leave and told Patricia this. Naturally, she demanded I leave. When I refused, she left, leaving four year old Glen with me.

The next thing I know the police are knocking at the door and I am being grilled about assaulting my wife. I was sick, tired, and naïve. My objectives were simple, get the police out of the house. I had no intention of getting Patricia into trouble and I had no intention of making our problems part of a public police report. Frankly, I did not cooperate.

Unknown to me, Patricia had gone to a neighbor’s house and spun a yarn to both her and the police when the neighbor called them. Later, when I heard the tape of the interview between Patricia and the police, I was surprised it took them so long to arrest me. Since there was no physical evidence of violence, a gun magically appeared in the fight. The police never asked me about the gun. If they had there would not have been one to produce.

I was handcuffed and taken to jail. My parents lived out of town at the time so my Aunt bailed me out. There was an automatic twenty-four hour restraining order forbidding contact between the parties. I went to my office near the jail for a while and then checked into a hotel.

Patricia sensed a change in me that I did not; I was still sick and tired. She called me on my cell at least twice, once demanding that I come home to talk about this. I told her no, that there was a restraining order and I was not about to get into any more trouble. I refused to tell her where I was as I knew it was likely that she would show up. I had to get some sleep.

Patricia was right. Our private hell was now public. I remember my father lecturing me for even defending myself from Patricia’s assaults, his disappointment that I had allowed my marriage to sink to a level of physical violence. My job and future employability was in danger.

The stigma that is now beginning to be associated with domestic violence was not near the levels we encounter today, but the stigma existed for me. In my mind, a conviction on domestic violence would ruin my life.

I believe discussing this with Patricia was the first time I laid things out without regards to possible consequences or consideration for her reaction. The first time I simply told her what I was going to do with no consideration or allowance for her input.

I was going to hire an attorney. I would take any action ethical and legal to prove my innocence, including establishing Patricia’s problems if required. There was no discussion. I would not hear her question any decision I made. If she did not like it we would divorce.

Patricia’s response was to completely support my defense. My attorney told me that the DA would dismiss the charges if I went to counseling. Patricia and I went to counseling. The DA said that it had to be an approved domestic violence program. I began to attend one at Zia Counseling.

Patricia took independent steps to insure that we had a future together. First, she refused to go to any hearing, ignoring the subpoenas served on her. She attempted to get me to support this issue but I refused. I told her that she must make her own decision and that I would make mine. She even wrote a letter to the judge stating that it was a terrible mistake and that the officer had misunderstood her intentions.

Domestic Violence awareness had progressed to the point where judges did not listen to spouses that changed their minds about the charges, but you still had to produce the witness in court. After a failed hearing, the DA played for my attorney and I the tape of Patricia’s interview on the night the police arrested me. In retrospect, I imagine the DA sought to get me to plead to the charges. I never even considered it. I knew I was innocent and naively believed that the Machine would vindicate me.

What got me off the hook was Patricia unintentionally convincing the DA that the police arrested the wrong person. She did this by calling the DA’s office several times a day to talk about the case, hounding them until they realized that my version of the events had merit. They dismissed the charges before I completed the domestic violence counseling.

Lopez's Fifth and Patricia's Eventual Release

Stephen Avery — Sat, 25 Jul 2009 23:07:00 GMT

A couple of months after her trip to the state facility in Las Vegas, NM the facility issued a report asserting Patricia’s legal competence.

The defense can agree or not agree. If they do not agree, they hold the original finding of incompetency to be valid. This reasoning could impact Patricia’s marriage to Ray Lopez Jr. New Mexico law requires the parties entering into a marriage to be legally competent and a member of Patricia’s family or the DA could go into Court in the attempt to have her marriage annulled on this basis.

Not that I believe anyone would bother. The issue just illustrates the complexity and the ludicrous aspects this mess. Look, you marry a guy by telephone while in jail and the first night you get to spend together is when he is arrested for the eighth time for DWI and joins you in the county lockup. The technicalities concerning competency seem a little ironic.

And speaking of which, the DA dismissed what could have been Lopez’s fifth DWI conviction in favor of plea bargain on probation violation of some of his various felony convictions. The sentence was about the same and Mr. Lopez should be free in four or five months, with good time.

With the determination of competency, the DA intends to ask for Patricia to finish out her original sentence, with good time, about a year.

I imagine the defense will argue that Patricia deserves good time credit for the approximately two years she has spent in the county lockup awaiting resolution of this probation violation. If this carries, she should be released in a few months.

In either case, she will be off probation, freed from those restraints.

And we will enter a new phase of the story.

Family Law in New Mexico, Second Edition

Stephen Avery — Thu, 30 Apr 2009 02:42:00 GMT

I want to take some time and endorse a book I picked up at Page One the other day, Family Law in New Mexico Second Edition written by Barbara L. Shapiro and Antoinette Sedillo Lopez.

The book is an easy read and comprehensive. My opinion is based on my extensive experience in the family court system in the second judicial district.

The majority of divorces in New Mexico are completed without ever seeing a judge and with little of the complexity of my case. The couple works everything out and then sees a lawyer or file the paperwork on their own. This book can be an enormous asset to these couples.

It can also help bring some cases back down to this level by introducing a rational third opinion into some of the arguments.

For example, the concept of community property is poorly understood. I think this work does an excellent job clarifying what is hers and what is his. The same is true about spousal support and child support.

The only advice I would have for the third edition is a chapter on what to do when everything goes horribly wrong.

While statistically complicated divorces are a fraction of the divorce case load, the reality is more than a thousands souls are impacted by the horrors each year in this city alone. The extreme cases end up in violence, sometimes the death of a child.

The Family Court System is designed and geared toward the simple cases and handles the complicated ones poorly. Judges are kept in the dark, lawyers chase fees, guardian ad litems chase fees without any training, mental health professionals decide the future of children after only a few hours of study and rely on psychological tests congress outlawed for less important areas such as employment screening.

A simple example of where the expert’s inexperience in the complicated cases shine is completing the property settlement before custody issues are settled. We spent thousands of dollars negotiating based on the belief that Patricia would have the kids the majority of time. It is my belief, later supported by subsequent filings, that I was overly generous because my intention was to provide a home for my children. Woops, the custody evaluation comes in and suddenly the children I gave up so much to provide for were without a home. Thousands of more dollars spent and the conflict just fed Patricia’s hate. Woops again, and the seven thousand dollars we spent on the first custody evaluation is proved worthless before it can even be implemented and the children are with me 24/7 and I am living in an apartment while strangers live in the family home I am paying for.

Another suggestion for refining this excellent work is advice on how to manage your costs, legal and otherwise. Family Court is very informal, motions can be simple and responses are not always necessary as the weight is covered in hearings. Too many divorces result in one of the parties in bankruptcy court.

Bifurcation is another area that seems more popular then many attorneys realize and the financial aspects are poorly understood. I could not get a straight answer from my attorneys on when the community ended and Patricia was convinced that she entered into her second marriage while enjoying the continued benefits of our community. In other words, as Patricia told her ‘hit man’ and subsequently during integration, she believed she was entitled to half of my continuing income after the bifurcation and her subsequent marriage because we did not have a final decree.

That piece of professional ignorance almost got me killed. The community ended with the bifurcation only the division was left to be determined and allocated. A quick trip to the law library discovered excellent New Mexico case law on the subject (Mitchell v. Mitchell and Olivias v. Olivias). It did not surprise me to learn that the Mitchell case involved a CPA.

To say the Family Court system has no responsibility for the horrible divorces is a lie adding to the sins committed against the children. The judges, lawyers, mental health professionals, and others add to the chaos as they all work to find a way out of the mess. More times then naught the best interest of children is loss in the attempt by the professionals to escape.

At best the professionals making up the Family Court system are ill prepared to deal with the difficult cases. At worse they contribute to the horror via their greed, own agendas, or incompetence.

Again, while there are too many for comfort, my case was exceptional. This book is an important work and should be read by everyone entering into Family Court.

A Little Telephone Call

Stephen Avery — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 12:26:00 GMT

It is June 2003 and my ex wife and I are in our first pro se hearing. She had filed several motions and the expense to fight them totaled several thousand dollars, so my attorney was now a luxury I could no longer afford.

A month before, the psychologist made his second evaluation report to the Court. Patricia expected to get the two youngest kids back, although why she thought this is anyone’s guess. Instead, the psychologist recommended making the arrangements since January permanent. I would have effective custody and she would be restricted to two hours a week of supervised visitation with the hope of eventually reaching seven hours a week.

Patricia responded with another suicide gesture. She parked the van in the garage and turned it on. When the policed found her, she was semi conscious and the van was turned off. She claimed later that she spent five days in ICU. The police report states that she told the police that a mechanic friend told her that cars no longer vented carbon monoxide and she turned the car on to listen to the music while cleaning the garage.

Although, I do not know if the gesture was over the kids or losing her motions that would have cost us hundreds of thousands of dollars.

The kids had gone a month without hearing or talking to their mother. Previous suicide gestures involved the kids, so the kids worried about their mother a little. And I, fool that I was, still harbored hope for Patricia, hope that she could become a functional parent, a mother that placed her children first.

I emailed her; court orders prohibited telephone calls, but no luck. The only time she attempted to call was a time I had informed her that the kids would not be there.

The night before the hearing, I talked to Jessica. She had just turned ten. I told her that I would try and get her mother to call her from the courtroom, but not to get her hopes up. It was likely that her mother would not even show up at the hearing. I also told her not to tell Montie and I gave her a cell phone.

The hearing began at 10:07 the next morning, since Patricia had asked for the hearing; I did not get a chance to bring up the telephone call until 10:29. Until 10:35, Patricia made excuses, stating that she believed it was the kids’ responsibility to call her, that she had been on vacation, and that she had been in ICU for five days. She then argued that the telephone schedule was too restrictive. It was not until the Judge and I asked her a second time and I restated that Jessica was awaiting her call that she decided to make the call. She spent approximately ten minutes on the telephone with the younger children.

At the time, I thought it was a breakthrough. For the next several months, Patricia kept in touch with the kids, made the telephone calls, and made visits. I thought the relationships improved, even with our oldest child, Glen

I even scheduled her first unsupervised visit with Glen for February 9, 2004.

This was the Monday after Patricia’s hit man was to have killed me while the children were in the home.

Slander? You Decide

Stephen Avery — Mon, 16 Feb 2009 21:15:00 GMT

Bringing all the news that is difficult to believe…..

Patricia started a campaign in December to respond to the ‘slander’ against her spread by her son Glen and her ex husband Stephen. The campaign consisted primarily of letters written to the DA, her mother, the newspaper, her children, her ex, and probably Channel 7.

Patricia’s basic position asserts that the newspaper article published in December slandered her. This initial slander was followed by more slander in the television interviews on Channel 7 and Channel 4. None of the letters provide an example of the slander and my review of the article and the interviews do not make this slander clear.

I never posted one of Patricia’s letters because she addressed them to others. I am posting the latest one because the envelope was addressed to me and the children. My thoughts follow but feel free to read it and make up your own mind.

Patricia did say that the story Glen reports about Patricia attacking me in the car in California with the children present and while I was driving was false. I would like to remind her that she confirmed that story to the custody evaluator, Dr. Gale Zieman, and he included her acknowledgement in his written report.

The fact that the Court declared Patricia incompetent is a matter of public record and Patricia’s mental problems are well documented in several places to include her sentencing. Many of Patricia’s suicide attempts or gestures are also a matter of public record.

I leave it to the reader to address the record to include this blog and the website www.fatheriam.com and form their own opinions about any slander.

It is my belief that Patricia is pissed about not being released in December and the position the District Attorney’s office is taking. With some basis, Patricia blames Glen and I for this. I do believe that if the stories had not run it is likely Patricia would have been released.

Patricia asserts in several letters that I have a secret motivation for my actions and in one letter she asserts that I have been working to make her kill herself in order to collect life insurance money. So, now I am responsible for her suicide gestures or attempts for monetary reasons. This also confirms something I stated to several people over the years, that the life insurance policy was one of the things keeping her alive. The thought of me collecting a quarter of a million dollars in the case of her death is one thought keeping her alive.

A few years ago I wrote about how Patricia’s finding ‘God’ and the developing her own view of Christianity contributed to our divorce. Patricia used Christianity to justify any action she took. When I intervened when she was beating Glen she yelled at me to tell him that she was ‘justified’.

Patricia has not mentioned her faith in the few letters written to Glen over the last couple of years, but her recent correspondence is covered with it, literally. In the letter to Glen (although the envelope was addressed to “Stephen Avery & kids”), Patricia states:

“God has laid it on my heart to share with you what the Bible says about slander. According to my Bible, slander means to speak against someone harshly”.

She goes on the quote several passages of scripture and reference a dozen more on the subject of slander as a sin. She goes on and on and on and says:

“The most important verse I need to share with you, though, is Romans 21:8 “But unbelievers (like Godless people are), the immoral (like slanders are)…their fate is in the fiery lake of burning sulfur.”

The ‘…’ is hers and I guess her Bible is a little different then mine. In my Bible, Romans has only sixteen chapters. I think she meant Revelations 21:8 which reads as follows in the King James:

“But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death.”

There is a couple of pages about how our son (and his father) are in danger of going to Hell for speaking against God, I’m sorry she must have meant Patricia.

My favorite section reads as follows:

“If you really want me to ‘get the help I need’, maybe you should be on your knees praying that God meets my needs instead of slandering me and judging me and God’s law so mercilessly”

But this is close second:

“I know that it is wrong for me to judge anyone else (Luke 6:37, Romans 2:1, and Mathew 16:27) so I am not doing that. I am merely telling you what God has laid on my heart to tell you!”

This would be funny if you do not recall she planned for my murder with the children present in the home.

Because of Patricia’s mental illness, I never really blamed her for her or saw her actions as a sin against me in the same way she see our ‘slander’ as a sin. She does not need to ask me for forgiveness that is between her and God. She did ask for my forgiveness at the sentencing while calling me an abuser of sixteen years. The old ‘I am sorry but it is really your fault’ routine as Maxwell Smart would point out.

I am not going to argue Christianity or Christian beliefs with Patricia simply because I do see these as Christian beliefs, they are Patricia’s beliefs. The history of Christianity is filled with those who took the truth and twisted it to suit their own purposes – to gain power, to justify greed and lust, to kill.

Time and time again she states her actions against me were justified.

She told the bail hearing judge that she orchestrated the attempt against my life before I made an attempt to kill her.

She told a hearing officer in a Domestic Violence hearing against her that the reason for her indictment “that concerns my ex husband who beat the hell out of me for sixteen years and I got a little bit sick of it and I just lost my head over it” (Self v. Long 17:35 minutes).

Her statements at sentencing communicated to me her belief that if people would just listen to her they would understand how evil I am and all of her actions would be ‘justified’ in the same manner she believed her assault on Glen was ‘justified’ years ago.

I honestly believe Patricia believes that if her ‘truth’ came out the world would see her as a hero for trying to kill me.

‘Dangerous?’ You decide.

The Third Time is the Charm

Stephen Avery — Fri, 30 Jan 2009 18:49:00 GMT

Patricia married her third husband by telephone in October. She is writing letters to everyone outlining what a Christian man he is, with some trouble far in his past.

He wrote the family a letter last week encouraging us all to get along and expressing an interest in the children visiting him and Patricia.

Today’s Albuquerque Journal and Wednesday’s Channel 13 newscast carried stories about Mr. Lopez’s 8^th DWI arrest. A few weeks ago he pled guilty to charges of distributing alcohol to a minor after an arrest this summer.

Judgement & Sentencing Scam

Stephen Avery — Thu, 01 Jan 2009 23:54:00 GMT

Last month, the Albuquerque Journal ran an article and an editorial about the relationship between the Judges and the County Jail. The specific issue is the jail’s position that unelected bureaucrats, as opposed to elected judges, should decide the character of an inmate’s incarceration. For example, the jail should decide if an inmate can be put on work release and not kept incarcerated as the judge ordered.

Actually, the issue is broader then the public understands. The official position of the State of New Mexico’s Corrections department is that after the department’s thirty day evaluation, the department is free to ignore the Judge’s Judgment and Sentence as long as the inmate is incarcerated or on parole. The Judge’s authority is only restored once an inmate is placed on probation.

This position was first communicated to me by Ella Frank, the Executive Director of the New Mexico Parole Board, as she explained to me why the Department of Corrections was free to ignore the treatment Judge Murdoch ordered for Patricia. She stated this directly in a conversation with me in December 2005 and gave one of her typical bureaucratic responses in an attempt to avoid answering in an email she sent me on Dec 14^th, 2005.

As you may recall, I went public in late 2005 in an effort to keep Patricia in prison in order for her to complete Therapeutic Communities, a program Judge Murdoch sentenced Patricia to and stated at her sentencing would take two years to complete.

In a recent meeting with the DA, the ADA informed of a startling truth – The Department of Corrections had never even attempted to put Patricia in the Therapeutic Communities Program.

After I got over my initial shock, it made sense in the weird Department of Corrections way I am now accustomed to. When the department in processed Patricia, they anticipated her release in December 2005 based on ‘good time’. The Department of Corrections knew that the early release made it impossible for her to complete the Therapeutic Communities program, so they ignored the Judge’s order and never put her in the program.

What the public needs to understand is that the judges craft these beautifully serious and deliberate sentences directed at protecting the community and rehabilitating felons. Why, Patricia’s had ten segments to include completing two other programs STEPS and Bridges. Judge Murdoch’s sentence provided comfort to me and the children. As I wrote at the time, finally, finally Patricia might get the treatment she needed.

But is a sham, the moment the felon is handed over to the Department of Corrections the unelected bureaucrats are free to act as they wish.

Dog and Pony Show

Stephen Avery — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 18:49:00 GMT

Okay, this is my take on what happened this morning.

For those who don’t follow the soap opera that is my life, Patricia was scheduled to be in court this morning on a hearing to dismiss the pending probation violation charges against her and, if agreed, discharge her from probation and set her free.

Joline Gutierrez Krueger, a columnist from the Journal emailed me on Friday and informed me of Patricia’s third marriage in October to one, Ray Lopez Jr. The Journal then ran a story which focused on our son Glen on the front page of Mondays’ paper.

This led to a Monday morning phone call with Natalie Swaby from KOAT Channel 7 and an interview which ran Monday night and Tuesday morning.

All of this building to the probable release from prison of Patricia at a hearing this morning.

I show up a little late and find Rod Green already in the courtroom along with a reporter from KOB Channel 4. Joline showed up a few minutes later.

I identified Patricia’s latest husband in the row behind me as it seemed he knew everyone in the room, not a big surprise considering his criminal background.

I caught up with Rod Green a little bit, he covered Patricia’s sentencing in 2005, and told him I was betting even odds that the hearing would be postponed. I based my conclusion on two points. First, there have been at least five postponements for every hearing over the last year and a half. Second, I thought the other parties involved (DA, Public Defender, and Judge) might prefer to wait until the cameras were not in the courtroom.

A little before nine, Patricia’s attorney came out of the back of the courtroom with another individual I did not know. He proceeded to talk to Patricia in an animated manner. Patricia gave a hand signal to Lopez and he left the courtroom.

The judge’s bailiff approached the media and asked if they were here for anything other then Patricia Long, when told no, she informed them the hearing had just been cancelled and reset for sometime in January.

We started out of the courtroom when the unknown individual called my name and asked to talk to me. He is the new ADA assigned to the case, John Sugg.

Mr. Sugg informed me that the hearing had been canceled because the DA disagreed with the defense’s attorney position that Patricia was not dangerous. This determination, under New Mexico statute, is critical as I discuss in a previous blog (“Dismal Dismissal”). When the judge heard this he cancelled the hearing because it could last a couple of hours or half a day.

Mr. Sugg further informed me that the DA had pressed for Patricia to be sent to the State Hospital for a 60 day evaluation as outlined in the Statute. The judge did not agree to this until a determination about danger was made.

Finally, Mr. Sugg stated this case presented real issues because of the combination of Patricia’s intelligence combined with her mental illness. They simply had no idea what to do with her.

Welcome to our world Mr. Sugg.

I then did interviews with the reporters and left the courthouse, making the calls and texts I must each time this happens.

I appreciate the District Attorney’s office stepping up and trying to provide the judge with the information to make a decision.

I am sure Judge Murdoch snorts every time he sees me on the news saying that I am putting the life of my family in his hands. He snorts because I am sure he does not appreciate the presence and focus of the media on his decision and believes I use the media in attempts to influence his decisions.

Judge, I would if I had any idea what the hell should be done.

Honestly, Judge, you are the only one who can make the decision. I have a fifteen year history of making bad decisions about Patricia and the decision I might make in this case is a personal one based on my selfish desires and what I believe is in the best interest of my children.

Yet, I reserve the right as a citizen to raise as much hell as I can and draw as much attention to this case as I can. I do not need to justify this to anyone other then my children.

Some of the media seemed to think I had a solution, that I had an outcome I thought possible. I am sorry, there is no good outcome. We crossed that bridge years ago.

It will be seven years in February. Montie is twelve, Jessica is fifteen, and Glen is nineteen. I can not tell you how proud I am of how they rose above this mess.

I can not fault any decision Judge Murdoch makes and every decision he has made in this case has been the proper one. I voted to retain only two judges, Murdoch and John Romero.

Having said this, there is no doubt in my mind that the deal the parties had made collapsed under the recent media attention. That if it had not been for this attention, right or wrong, Patricia would be out of prison today.

This was not my intent. My Blog is called Consequences. I simply wanted to remind the parties that their actions had consequences to my children, myself, and even Patricia.

I got the chance to tell Cassidy how often her music seems to reach out from Manhattan and help me. The one that nails this is “Dog and Pony” show. This song is on my MySpace profile (http://www.myspace.com/dadonfire).

The Changeling

Stephen Avery — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 19:22:00 GMT

“The Changeling” is a powerful clean indictment of the Beast Machine as it operated in Los Angeles during the 1920’s. Adding to the horror is the reality that too little has changed in the last eighty years.

Once your life is placed into the hands of the Best Machine you lose control of your family, your life. Christine Collins life surrendered to the Beast Machine when her nine year old son disappeared.

Subsequent to this event, the Beast Machine decided she was an unfit mother attempting to avoid her responsibility as a parent, delusional in her attempts to assert the Truth against the failure of the Beast Machine.

In 1928, a corrupt police captain employed these unsubstantiated allegations to commit Ms. Collins to a psychiatric ward. Today, it is a judge. We can argue it is an improvement, but we are left wondering the extent of the improvement.

And the mental health professionals twisted the facts to reach the diagnoses they desired back then in the same manner they do today. If you fight, you are hysterical. If you do not fight, you are emotionally detached.

I could not help but remember Judge Jewell telling me (under “What’s New” November 12, 2008) that she was not going to listen to me about what was best for the children; she was going to listen to the experts.

When people ask me about Patricia’s diagnoses, I tell them she is diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome as of the result of the imaginary beatings she received from me over the sixteen years of our marriage. So much, for the mental health professionals.

Mrs. Collins proved a general heroine. She did not go quietly into the dark after the abuse the Beast Machine pounded on her, she fought back and she made change. The world is a better place for Mrs. Collins, although not as better as we would like.

"The Changeling"